August 4th, 2006 I write to you now on my aunt's couch, writing on oversized sticky notes while bearing down on a book about Musculoskeletal conditions in the US, while holding a cellphone up for light (gotta love technology). This wasn't an entry i wanted to write, or for people to hear, but then again, whats the truth is the truth, there is no sense in hiding anything (as if any of it were a secret in the first place). I guess the lump in my throat and the bug in my stomach are bring this entry out of me. You see, lately i've been humbled. I got sick with a bad stomach virus yesterday and it gave me a lot of time to think about who i am and why (a lesson in humility). But tonight, i began to pray, and i got sidetracked by every little thing, then realized during my monotonous yet haphazard train of thought, that i was supposed to be praying to the God of the universe. One would think that talking to the creator of the world should be done with humiltiy and reverance, but i guess i just kind of "talk" to God. Which, i suppose, is a good thing. But i've realized lately i haven't been praying as much as i should be. i haven't been doing my quiet times with the Lord as i should be. Does this mean im a bad christian? Christian.. what has that word come to mean these days anyways? Sorry, i guess thats the Donald Miller coming out in me. I just dont think ive been giving God the time and effort and love and glory that i know he deserves from me. I guess it bothers me that it just doesnt happen, or just come out of me the way i thought it would. I mean after all, God is supposed to be going after, and searching for, and pursuing us, and our hearts, isnt he? Is there something im missing or not doing? Why do i not feel "called" by God to do these basic little things? Am i just lacking responsibility or maybe faith? Many days i feel no "better" than the average person out there in the world. And i cant even say that sentence without not liking the way it sounds. Just because my beliefs are different from other people, doesnt make me any "better" than anyone. Maybe ive just got an ego or too much pride or something, who knows. I guess i should just get back to the things that matter, like giving God the glory and everything. And maybe i should get back to the middle of the prayer i was in right before i started to write this... There has got to be some reason why God got me up to scribble this, this late at night. But who am i to ask God why he does things. Like, why we get bee stings, hangnails, splinters, bugbites, or cramps? Why is there dew in the morning? Why did got invent mold? Why are there 9 planets instead of 8 or 10? August 7th, 2006 I don't think I've ever filled one of these out in the last 3 or 4 years, so here goes nothing! Single or Taken: taken Happy about that: mhmm Eye color: brown Shoe size: 11 Height: 5'9" What are you wearing right now?:khakis and a black all ages tshirt Righty or lefty: righty Can you make a dollar in change right now?: if i bust open my piggy bank FAVORITES Kind of pants: jeans or corduroys Animal: turtle maybe? Drink: sweet tea Month: november Juice: orange Favorite cartoon: family guy HAVE YOU EVER... Given anyone a bath: no Bungee Jumped? never Made yourself throw-up? gross skinny dipped? when i was younger Loved someone so much it made you cry? yeah Broken a bone: not a one Played truth or dare? of course, who hasnt Been in a physical fight: yep Been on a plane: yep Came close to dying: once or twice actually Been in a hot tub: yep, love em Fallen asleep in school: all the time Ran away: nope Broken someone's heart: unfortunately Cried when someone died: yes Fell off your chair: haha yea Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: too many times Saved AIM conversations: always do Made out with JUST a friend?: uhhhh Used someone? i hope not Been cheated on: not technically WHAT IS... Beside you: my bed Last thing you ate: rice Ever Had... Chicken pox: yep Sore Throat: yep Stitches: got 6 in my forehead once Broken nose: no Do You... Believe in love at first sight: no Long distance relationships: good question Like school: ick Question yourself: too often Who was the last person that called you?: aubrey Who makes you smile the most: does laughing at my dad count? haha Who knows you the best: sara, lauren, ryan Do you like filling these out: no Do you wear contact lenses or glasses: neither Do you get along with your family: sort of Final Questions: What did you do yesterday: laid around all day in new york What car/truck do you wish to have: pick a number 1 through 10 Have a lava lamp: yea but its not mine How many remote controls are in your house?: a lot, but i dont watch tv Are you double jointed? nope When you last showered: this afternoon Scary or Funny Movies: both, but if i had to pick: funny Chocolate or Vanilla: vanilla Rootbeer or Dr.Pepper: dr. pepper Summer or winter: winter Silver or Gold: silver Diamond or pearl: pearl Sprite or 7up: sprite Coffee or tea: SWEET tea Phone or in person: in person Today did you... 1. Talk to someone you liked: yea 2. Buy something: no 3. Get sick: ive been sick for 3 days now 8. Talked to an ex: sort of Last person who.... 10. Slept in your bed: me 11. Saw/heard you cry: my parents 12. Made you cry: this is getting personal 13. Went to the movies with: cant remember 15. Said "I Love You" to you: my sister, too bad i said it jokingly Ever Been... 16. Ever been in a fight with your pet? dont have any pets 18. Been to Mexico: nope 20. Been to Europe: i wish Random..... 21. Do you have a crush on someone right now: no 22. what book are you reading now: mere christianity, blue like jazz, and some other one i forgot the title 24. Future kids' names: i like dylan 25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no 26. What's under your bed: my phone cord 27. Favorite sports to watch: football 28. Favorite Locations: the lake, camp in NY, umpstead park 29. tattoos or piercings: nope 30. What are you most scared of right now?: failure 31. Who do you really hate? hate is a strong word 32. Do you have a job?: yep. i cook at applebees 33. Have you ever liked someone you didn't have a chance with: i think everyone has 360. Are you lonely right now?: not particularly 38. Song that's stuck in your head right now?: some stupid drum cadence by SCV 39. Have you ever played strip poker: no 40. Have you ever gotten beat up? yep 42. Have you ever been on radio/TV: yep, both 43. Have you ever been in a mosh-pit: haha mosh pits.. yea. 44. Ever liked someone, but thought they never noticed?: uhm not sure Random... what color is your underwear right now? blue and white Whats the first things you notice about the opposite sex: eyes, attitude, hips (kind of a weird response, oh well) Your Favorite Food?: anything italtian Ever get so drunk you dont remember?: no Are you too shy to ask someone out?: depends Hugs or Kisses?: depends. both are good at times Dogs or cats?: dogs. cats have no character Favorite Flower? im a guy Have you ever fired a gun? yep How many pillows do you sleep with?: solo uno Who are you missing right now: high school friends that i haven't kept in touch with Man that took a while... August 8th, 2006 I have finished reading book one of C.S. Lewis's "Mere Christianity". Here are a few good quotes: Human beings all over the earth, have this curious way, and cannot really get rid of it. Secondly, that they do not in fact behave in that way. They know the Law of Nature; they break it. These two facts are the foundation of all clear thinking about ourselves and the universe we live in. (page 8) Now this thing that judges between two instincts (right versus wrong), that decides which should be encouraged, cannot itself be either of them. You might as well say that the sheet of music which tells you, at a given moment, to play one note on the piano and not another, is itself one of the notes on the keyboard. The Moral Law tells us the tune we have to play; our instincts are merely the keys (page 10). Strictly speaking, there are no such things as good and bad impulses. Think once again of a piano. It has not got two kinds of notes on it, the "right" notes and the "wrong" ones. Every single note is right at one time and wrong at another. The Moral Law is not any one instinct or set of instincts: it is something which makes a kind of tune (the tune we call goodness or right conduct) by directing the instincts. (...) The most dangerous thing you can do is to take any one impulse of your own nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all costs. There is not one of them which will not make us into devils if we set it up as an absolute guide. You might think love of humanity in general was safe, but it is not. If you leave out justice you will find yourself breaking agreements and faking evidence in trials 'for the sake of humanity', and become in the end of a cruel and treacherous man (page 11-12). Progress means not just changing, but changing for the better. If no set of moral ideas were truer or betterthan any other, there would be no sense in preferrin civilised morality to savage morality, or Christian morality to Nazi morality (page 13). This brings up the point to me that there must be a "Real Morality" or a set of standards to which you are comparing it to. So I suppose to real question should be, what is the standard? And is there such a thing as absolute truth, and what is it? For example on page 14 he talks about how three hundred years ago people in England were putting witches to death. Was that what you call the Rule of Human Nature or Right Conduct? August 9th, 2006 Here are more quotes continuing from yesterday from the book C.S. Lewis's, "Mere Christianity" that I have been reading the past few days. If there was a controlling power outside the universe, it could not show itself to us as one of the facts inside the universe - no more than the architect of a house could actually be a wall or staircase or fireplace in that house. The only way in which we could expect it to show itself would be inside ourselves as an influence or a command trying to get us to behave in a certain way. And that is just what we do find in ourselves. (...) Suppose someone asked me, when I see a man in the blue uniform going down the street leaving little paper packets at each house, why I suppose they conatin letters? I should reply, "Because whenever he leaves a similar little packet for me, I find it does contain a letter". And if he then objected, "But you've never seen all these letters which you think the other people are getting", I should say, "Of course not, and I shouldn't expect to, because they're not addressed to me. I'm explaining the packets I'm not allowed to open by the ones I AM allowed to open". It is the same about this question of Man and God. The only packet we are allowed to open is Man, and when we do, especially when we open the special packet of ourselves, we find out that we do not exsist on our own, and that we are under a law; that somebody or something wants us to behave a certain way (page 24-25). From Chapter 4: The whole universe is a mere mechanical dance of atoms (page 26). Lewis goes on to talk about how there are three different types of views on the world: Life-force, Materialist, and Religious. Chapter 5 Notes: In the begining he talks about how everyone wants to progress in life and to remember that progress does not always mean just going forward because often times in life we are headed in the wrong direction. This means that sometimes making progress is backtracking or turning a 180 to walk back on the right road before you begin to move forward. Also, on page 29 he compares the "someone" (God), to the "something" (religion as it is today), and how God is what is more important, and how our relationship with him is what ultimately matters. You find out more about God from the Moral Law than from the universe in general just as you find out more about a man by listening to his conversation that by looking at his house that he built (page 29). Christianity simply does not make sense until you have faced the sort of facts that it describes. Christianity tells people to repent and promises them forgiveness. It therefore has nothing to say to people who do not know they have done anything to repent of and who do not feel that they need any forgiveness. It is after you have realized that there is a real Moral Law, and a power behind the law, and that you have broken that law and put yourself wrong with that Power - it is after all this, and anot a moment sooner, that Christianity begins to talk to you (page 31). More Notes: That quote above is amazing and I could talk about it for hours but I simply don't have the time here in this journal. But the end of the quote is from page 31 and 32 which you should definately check out if you own the book, or even if you don't, go buy it! He also talks about how you cannot find comfort by looking for it. Look for truth! Most people find "soft soap" and wishful thinking when looking for comfort and end up in despair. I will end with this quote that ends book 1 of Mere Christianity: "Most of us have got over the pre-war wishful thinking about international politics. It is time we did the same about religion". August 14th, 2006 So lately I've been too busy with so many little things I haven't had much time to write here in the journal. I've been busy with church (leadership retreat last weekend was a blast), and getting ready to go to school (I leave this saturday), my car (hopefully I should be getting it back from being dyno-tuned at RPM tomorrow), and lots of other things around the house that I'm doing to get ready for school. I'm still working on getting Kayla's photo site up and running, hoepfully it will be done soon. Other than that, no real news to report, just a lot of busy work to get out of the way here. I haven't been to work in like over a week or two and I don't have a shift scheduled for like the next week or two so at least that is off my back. Anyways, I'll try and get back to write more when things aren't so hectic! There aren't enough hours in one day! August 17th, 2006 Well, I move into Campbell on Saturday. My roomate is "Gavin".. Bryan Patterson and I'll be living in McCall Dorm. I have no idea what it will be like or anything about my roomate (gotta love pot luck). Also, check out Kayla's website, its finnaly completed! Go to the design section under web. Today I made a video "Making Waves" you can find on google videos of my dad up at camp, so funny! Anyways, That's all until I'm moved in at Campbell. I hope you all have had fun and productive summers! I wish it was longer! This summer of 2006 has been I think my favorite summer ever. August 23rd, 2006 Well here I am. I moved into Campbell this monday and its been a lot of work to get everything up and running and get my schedule worked out and room arrangements and stuff but it wasn't anything too frustrating so thats good. Anyway, I like it here. I'm not thrilled about being here or anything of that sort, but I like the place. I'm glad I have a best friend here that I can hang out with a lot. If it weren't for him it would be a whole lot more boring I think. I went to my first three classes today. They were Music Literature, which looks like it will be a good class. I have a radical teacher who seems like a pretty good guy as well. He intertwined a lot of theology neatly into his opening lecture and things of that nature. My next class was Intro to Christianity. This one I am not too thrilled about. My teacher is sort of a dweeb and his class is very cut and dry and old fashioned. It doesn't look too challenging. Then lastly I had some PE wellness class or something with a lady that barely knows how to speak English so that should be kinda interesting. Anyway, the cell phone coverage STINKS out here. That is my biggest gripe about Campbell University. Buies Creek has no good cell coverage for any wireless provider at all. So I have to use my dorm phone a lot, in which I am only able to recieve incoming calls, since dialing out means long distance, and I don't have a phone card. That's really all for now. I'm going to go to Campus Crusage tonight at 7, then we have a hall meeting at 10. I hope everyone is having a good first week at classes. And if you are one of the people who is trying to call me, or if I'm supposed to call you, or you left me a voicemail or something, I apologize. Like I said, coverage sucks. I am still working weekends so I will try and call back the people that called me on Friday. Adios! August 30th, 2006 Wow. Ok so I've been really busy with school, and STILL trying to put the finishing touches on my car (just little things), I also got the inspection today. But sorry I haven't written much. Hopefully if you are enough to read this then you care enough to talk to me online or on the phone or in person so you should know how things are going! Anyways, it is also very hard to get to connect to FTP software since the school's network is very protected. I got a superman poster for my dorm, it looks amazing. And yes, for all of you with facebook, I now have it, so add me if you feel the need! That's all for now. I don't know how much I will be able to update this since school is getting kind of hectic with 18.5 credit hours. But we will see. I am taking a bunch of music classes, intro to christianity, and some creative writing class, and a fitness class as well. Hope everyone is doing well.