July 2nd, 2006 I'm back from vacation and it did exactly what I wanted it to. I was able to get things straightened out with my emotions with all the different situations life has thrown at me the last few months and mainly just get away from everything here in Raleigh. I keep finding out and realizing all of these things that God had and has planned for me that I wasn't able to see before. It's amazing how he reveals one amazing thing after another. I never really mention people's names at all in my journal because I hate people reading them and feeling left out or that in some way it creates more drama that I just don't need in my life. However, there are a few friends that God has laid in my path that I simply could not live without and owe a huge thank you to and I think it's about time they are recognized. So this entry goes out to Ryan Knight who has been my best friends since 6th grade and becomes my brother in Christ more and more everyday. His wisdom and guidance have been a huge gift of God and I love to see him doing well and serving the Lord. This entry is also for Sara Spangler. She has always been there for me no matter what and we always seem to be on the same wave length. I feel comfortable talking to her about anything and she is one of my best friends that I couldn't ask more from. Lastly I would like to mention Lauren Dabney. I've known her since middle school or so but I have truly been blessed the last six or seven months to have gotten to know her to the point that I have today. She is an amazing godly woman that God has brought along side me. She is always cheerful and encouraging and a strong willed person who I am happy to call my girlfriend as of last Tuesday. I am thankful for all of my friends but these three have been there through everything and I can't thank them enough. I've learned a lot lately about friends and who they really are and what they are truly capable of. Be thankful for your friends, it is far too easy to take them for granted. July 11th, 2006 Wow, well long time and no update so here we go. A lot of things have happened and I don't know where to start. Summer is moving too fast and sometimes I feel like I can't keep up with everything. Friends, family, work, my car, trips, school. All of this and there is only a few weeks left of the "freedom" of summer until I move in to Campbell. That reminds me.. I move in on August 19th. I'm really excited. I haven't met my roommate but I've talked to him a little bit online and he seems like a cool guy for the most part. Our musical tastes seem to be similar so that's good. My car is all done and painted. But now I've run into other problems. I took it to RPM this morning to get a dyno done and they told me I was running extremely lean on fuel on everything over 4,000 RPMs. Pretty much that means if I'm running lean on fuel my motor has a chance of going BOOM and that's bad (excuse the laymens terms here). So that means I have to get larger injectors (probably 36-42 lbs) and a new 255 Walbro fuel pump to put in the tank (that won't be fun). Anyways, enough car talk. The weather has been nice. We had one week that was sort of unbearably hot but other than that it has been nice. I went and saw the new superman returns movie the other day. I liked it but it kind of leaves you hanging at the end. Sort of the same thing that I thought about Pirates 2. I guess they just do that so they can make more movies and more money, etc, etc. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and got "The Case for Christ" by Lee Stroebel and also got "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers for Lauren. I got another book for my mom but I forgot the name of it, haha. Every year my family goes to NY for about a week and stay with my aunt Eileen (great baker), and then go up to "camp", which is pretty much a house along the river that my uncle owns and we stay there a while. I'm excited about going this year, I always am though. It's a great getaway. I am seeming to do more and more of these "getaway" trips this summer. Matter of fact I'm going on another one this Sunday to next Wednesday. I still have to post the notes from the sermon last Sunday, but ill get to that later. It's time for bed. July 12th, 2006 I'm going to see Circa Survive, The Receiving End of Sirens, Days Away, and YouInSeries tonight at Greene Street in Greensboro. It's been a while since I've been to a show so it should be fun. Be expecting some new pictures up on the band photography page of my design site. Time for a short rant. College rivalries especially college sports is retarded. I don't see the point that everyone is trying to make when a UNC fan is bitter to a NCSU fan or when someone makes fun of your clothing color or emblem just because it is from a certain school. Who cares if your friends or son or dad graduated from the school. That doesn't give you a right to hate the school. And just because you go to a certain college doesn't mean it's the best. Yes I understand the idea behind be true to your school and having school spirit and yada yada but c'mon people. All it is is colors. Sky blue versus red versus dark blue. Who really cares. Also I think its stupid the people that complain about all the latin Americans that are coming into the United States and "robbing us of our culture". They are getting mad because menus and signs are now in spanish and English instead of just English. People are getting mad that they if aliens are coming to the United States they need to learn our customs, our ways, and keep theirs out. I don't agree at all. I mean, times change, and cultures change and that's all there is to it. I don't recall the Indians making us keep our culture ideas out and making us learn their language. I don't live in a tepee, do you? Sun poisoning sucks. I've gotten in twice so far and it itches like crazy. I don't have it right now as I write this journal, but I do have a burn on my lower back and it just reminded me of not even a few weeks ago when I was in agony over the sunburn itching. You have to try everything to make the itching go away. I tried menthol shaving cream, anti-itch cream, oatmeal baths, vinegar, everything. Nothing works and it just irritates the skin more. The only thing that works is time. That seems to be a common theme in life. Time is the greatest healer. July 16th, 2006 Hello all. I don't have much time today for a post so I'm just going to put down all my notes from the last two sermons today. Annie Moses band played at church today. It was good and really interesting to watch. They had two violin players, one of which sang, and then a cello, harp, and piano player. They are a very talented group. I'm going to Atlantic Beach as I said before and I will be back on Wednesday. Nehemiah: Rebuilding Lives and Community (Nehemiah 2:11-4:23) I. Get a good start in the right direction (2:11-20) A. Seek God's Perspective (v.11-16) 1. Spend time with Him (v.11) 2. Spend time evaluating the situation (v.12-15) 3. Spend time making plans for recovery (v. 16) B. Inspire Those Involved (v.17-18) 1. Be Truthful with them (v. 17) 2. Challenge them (v.17-18) 3. Engage Them (v.18) C. Deal with the Opposition (v.19-20) 1. Know it is coming (v.19) 2. Remember the Remedy: God will be at work (v.20) II. It must be a Team Effort A. Seek Contribution (v.1,8,9,12,17,22,31-32) B. Seek Cooperation(v.1-32) C. Seek Affirmation (v.1-31) I John 3:24-4:6 -As true followers of Christ, we will evidence that we are of the truth through the Holy Spirit. 1. The Person of the Holy Spirit is abiding in us. (3:24-4:1) -Ephesians 1:13-14, I Thess. 5:19-22 2.The Purpose of the Holy Spirit is being made known through us (v.2-3) -Matthew 16:15-17, John 16:7-15 -The Holy Spirit of God exposes sin, encourages the Believer, and exalts Christ. 3. The Power of the Holy Spirit is overcoming the enemy for us. (v.4-6) -Acts 1:8 I ordered my injectors, fuel pump, and connectors yesterday so hopefully my car should be back to 100% soon. I still have lots of other misc. things to work out, but nothing major. I registered for classes and went to orientation a week ago two that I forgot to post about. It was fun and I still can't wait to be at school. I still have to post the pictures I took at the Circa Survive show a few days ago. Oh well. Coming Soon... July 20th, 2006 Summer has been good to me, but I can't wait for colder weather. Fall is my favorite season and it seems to be the most comfortable, weather wise. I've been to the beach about five times so far this summer, I am pretty beached out and ready for New York. I always feel as if I am returning home to where all of my fondest memories and places are. Even though I only lived there for a few years of my earlier years, my family always visits all the time and I feel like I can call it home. Over my 4 day trip to Atlantic Beach I was able to read the book I borrowed from Ryan called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. This is probably one of my most favorite books I can say that I've read (even though that's a semi-short list, I'm working on it). I will probably write many journals on the book and a few of the chapters that I felt I connected with the most. I really, really like his point of view and general outlook on everything he talked about. I didn't agree with everything he said, but he seemed to put into words a lot of what I thought about Christian spirituality. I highly suggest whoever is reading this to pick up a copy and read it. It is a fast read once you get going; it only took me two sittings to finish it. Anyway, I got a new pair of shorts on vacation, they are pretty snazzy. Yes, I said snazzy. So I was able to hand down two other pairs of shorts to my little bro. I got my fuel pump, injectors, and connectors today when I came back from vacation and the pump should go in tomorrow, and the injectors some time next week when I get the new fuel rail. My car has just become a big long summer project. As long as it is done by the time I go to school I don't care when it's done. I still have to post my schedule, more pictures (from a show and from vacation), and a few more things like the book review and stuff, but I'm so busy! Be expecting it soon. July 23rd, 2006 Alright. It's time for some book review of "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. First of all, let me say that I thoroughly enjoyed the book. It was a very good and FAST read. Once you pick it up and get going the pages just seem to turn themselves and by the time you look up and realize how much you have read you are already have way through. It took me two two-hour sittings of a car ride to read and I liked it a lot. I felt very connected to the author and most of the things he discussed throughout the book and that is what I'm going to be talking, or writing I guess you should say, about. The subtitle to this book is "Non-religious thoughts on Christian Spirituality". In the first chapter he addresses many things but the ones that stuck out the most to me are the ones I'll mention. Chapter 1: He talks about how he thought there was a mental wall between religion and God. How people can be spiritual and be religious on so many different emotional levels, but never really understand the concept of who God truly is. He also referred to God as a slot machine and more of an idea that an actual person. Something that was like a set of spinning images that dolled out rewards based on behavior and perhaps even chance (page 8). The slot-machine God provided a relieft of the pinging guilt and a sense of hope his life would get organized towards a purpose. He prayed for forgiveness, thinking the cherries might line up and the light atop the machine would flash, spilling out shiny tokens of good fate. This turns your sense of God into: If something good happens, its God. And if something bad happens, it's the devil. Either that or you had to go back to the so called slot machine and try again. Chapter 2: "If you don't love somebody, it gets annoying when they tell you what to do or what to feel. When you love them you get pleasure from their pleasure, and it makes it easy to serve. I didn't love God because I didn't know God." That's a good quote I liked from page 14. He goes on to talk about how he found out at an early age that something wasn't right with him, and something isn't right with everyone. That is why there are drugs, war, criminals, and anything else you happen to see going so horribly wrong on the 6 o'clock news. The problem he is talking about is that man has a sin nature. He tells a story about how him and a friend were watching TV about a village where hundreds of women were all raped and/or murdered. Miller said something to the effect of, "How can people do that?", and his friend responded with another question, "Do you think you could do something like that, Don". Obviously his gut reaction was no, as would most of ours be. But Miller's point was that everyone has a sin nature and how it is hard for us to admit that we have a sin nature because we live in this system of checks and balances. "If we get caught, we get punished. But that doesn't make us good people; it only makes us subdued. Just think about the Congress and Senate and even the president. The genius of the American system is not freedom, it is checks and balances. Nobody gets all the power. Everybody is watching everybody else. It is as the founding fathers knew, intrinsically, that the soul of the man, unwatched, is perverse. Miller talks later on about a protest against Bush that he attended. It reminded me about how everyone is hating Bush because its cool to hate Bush, not because they actually are up to date in world politics and have a better opinion. They just think because Bush is a bad speaker that he is a horrible leader and I disagree. Granted, I am not a supporter or Bush, but I don't hate the man. I would cast my vote towards him because I agree with a lot of what he stands for and puts his name behind. Anyway, he talks about how most people follow their upbringing when it comes to politics and if you're parents are Democrat, then you are a democrat for the sole reason that that is how you were brought up to believe and think about that particular group. I think we should pray about such things and do research on our own to see which political party we should support or which of our country leaders we actually like or dislike. I don't affiliate myself with either party. (Sorry, I got off on a tangent). He goes on to talk about how we (as people, and as Christians) can be very hypocritical and I agree. Miller went to that protest about poverty and yet he gives no money towards charities and doesn't even tithe enough to his church which happened to have a huge homeless ministry. I think a lot of people can be often hypocritical without even realizing it, but then when you slap on a title like "Christian" or even "democrat" or whatever the case may be, you are now being watched to uphold those standards. And if you don't, you now have a new title: "hypocrite". Miller also talks about how WE are the problem with the world and I agree with him there too. We are all pretty selfish people. Six billion people in this world and who do we tend to think about the most? Ourselves. "Nothing is going to change in the Congo until you and I figure out what is wrong with the person in the mirror". (page 23) July 24th, 2006 (Book review continued from 7/23/06) Chapter 3: He talks a little about how people, Christians, tend to try and "sell" Christ instead of actually witnessing to them and sharing your testimony. "The whole idea of everybody wanting to be somebody new was an important insight in terms of liking God. God was selling something I wanted. Still, God was in the same boat as the guy selling knives and Juliet promising to make Romeo new. Everybody exaggerates when they are selling something. Everybody says their product works like magic. At the time, I understood God's offer as a magical proposition, which it is. But most magical propositions are just tricks. The older you get, the harder it is to believe in magic. The older you get, the more you understand there is no Wizard of Oz, just a schmuck behind a curtain" ( page 29). I think this goes with Christianity as well because that is how a lot of Christians and often pastors are looked at as well. I don't think people should try and "sell" or "promote" Jesus. I believe we should just tell our stories and tell them passionately. God is calling them, we are not supposed to shove it in their faces. We should consider it like we have a treasure and we want everyone else to find it too. Miller later talks about how a lot of Christian stories are like fairy tales and hard to believe, but how he thinks "religion" and "spirituality" has really messed them up. Take for example, the story of Noah's Ark. In Sunday school these stories are told in a fable or myth type of way. God tells Noah about a big storm and Noah takes two of every animal for a little boat ride with a dove and rainbow to end the happy story. But what would happen if you told children that the reason God told them to build a boat was because he was destroying the world and millions and millions of people were going to die horrible deaths. Then when the land dries up there are bodies hanging from trees, etc. He says on page 31, "I couldn't give myself to Christianity because it was a religion for the intellectually na?ve. In order to believe Christianity, you either had to reduce enormous theological absurdities into children's stories or ignore them". He went on to say he got help with this concept from learning that every story told has to be taught in context and every story has a setting, conflict, climax, and resolution. "Christian spirituality offered a resolution of forgiveness and a home in afterlife. It all sounded very witless, but I wanted to believe it. It felt as though my soul were designed to live the story Christian spirituality was telling." The magical proposition of the gospel, once free from the clasps of fairy tale, was very adult to me, very gritty like something from Hemingway or Steinbeck, like something with copious amounts of sex and blood. Christian spirituality was not a children's story. It wasn't cute or neat. It was mystical and odd, and clean, and it was reaching into dirty. There was wonder in it and enchantment. This is the basis of faith (page 36). Chapter 4: He talks about his college, Reed College. I'm not really going to talk much about this chapter but I have stuff to get out now that he addressed something I wanted to write about a long time ago. He talks about how that college is often referred to as Hades. How people are constantly drinking and smoking and how the college is prepared for all of it and has special drug doctors standing by and how there are orgies almost every night right in the middle of campus, yet he feels comfortable there. Most Christians, at least the way I see it, would look at this in a horrible light, as if a Christian should not put himself in that kind of environment but I disagree. He talks about how every there is not a believer, yes, but that everyone is downright honest and true. He feels that the people don't wear masks and they are who they say and that he why he can talk to them freely, openly, and honestly. Back to what I was saying, I think that Christians SHOULD be in these types of environments. Besides I mean, God hung out with murderers, tax collectors and whores. He put himself in a low place, why shouldn't we? Also, I don't think a lot of sharing of the faith, so to speak, should be done with just anybody. Yea, I think its ok to share the love of Christ with someone on the street, or a neighbor, but the true heart to heart conversations need to be with people or friends or family that you are particularly close to. Or else, what does anything you are saying have to do with them? They just think you are trying to do your job (or fill up your coins in the slot machine like I talked about earlier). So for that reason I think we should befriend non-Christians and even live amongst them (kind of hard not to anyways). I think if we don't we aren't being humble as we should, and are having an attitude as if we are too good to even talk to these people. People who aren't Christians doesn't mean they are bad people. People are wonderful. They are pretty, smart, amazing, beautiful, cool, fun, sexy, reliable, and everything else that Christians are. I don't think they should be thrown into some category. We are just as "bad" or "sinful" as they are and we shouldn't put ourselves as Christians on any type of pedestal. How can we honestly try to share the love of Christ with someone who we think of as some sort of low life creature just because they don't believe what I do. Another thing I can't stand is when people classify Christians as certain way because of the one or handful of people they know that profess to be Christians, which ends up ruining it for many of us. This even leads to the point of us not wanting to call ourselves something so we aren't thrown into that same category. Chapter 5: In the beginning of this chapter there is a story that he has with one of his close friends that I believe will relate to a lot of people out there (please go buy this book, I can't sit here and type it all out for you, haha). Anyway, the gist of it is that his friend wants a rational and concrete explanation for God and everything like that. But the truth is, we aren't on the same wavelength or brain pattern that God is. We will never be able to comprehend that there was no beginning of time, or that God was never created, he just always was. We will never be able to understand everything and that is where faith comes in. Don't get me wrong, Christianity is not based on faith alone, but also by our lives. We should be able to show with our lives the secret of having Christ in our lives and the passion and strength and everything else that it gives us to make us become truly alive in life. These are the types of things you see when you see someone who is not a believer come to Christ and that is what it is all about. Our lives should be our greatest example of who we have in God and in Christ. It's simple, but so amazing. Miller relates us to penguins. Penguins have a "radar" so to speak that tells the female when to go back to the nest when the eggs are beginning to hatch. He says, "I have a radar that says to believe in Jesus." And I believe all people have this radar, it's just hard to understand and follow sometimes (page 57) You'd be crazy trying to explain penguins. It's best just to watch them and be entertained. I don't think you can explain how Christian faith works either. It's a mystery. And I love that about Christian spirituality. It cannot be explained, and yet it is beautiful and true. It is something you feel, and it comes from the soul. That's all for tonight! July 25th, 2006 Chapter 6: "After I became a Christian, every aspect of human interaction had a fascinating appeal, and the intricate complexity of the natural landscape was remarkable in its perfection: the colors of the sky melding with the horizon, those south Texas sunsets burning distant clouds like flares, like fireworks, like angel wings starting flight". I couldn't agree more, and I love the way Miller writes this section of this chapter (page 60). "Sometimes the things we want most in life are the things that will kill us". He tells this story about sexy carrot that ends with that quote on page 76, but like I've been saying, you gotta buy the book and read it to get the full effect. It's pretty cool. Miller says that ultimately we do what we love to do. We as people don't normally do things for the right or wrong reasons, but we do them because we love to do it, or we don't do those things because we don't love to do them. Simple as that. But the thing is, God gives us the power (through the gospel) to love the things that we should love, the things of heaven. When people who follow Jesus love the right things, they help create God's kingdom on earth, and that is something beautiful. Chapter 7: In the beginning of this chapter he talked about grace and how he hated how preachers often preached too much about God's grace and how he felt as if it were a safety net for sin. Meaning that if you did something wrong, or acted against God, that you could simply repent and God's grace would forgive you, and you are as good as new. This whole concept really reminds me of Catholicism. My dad was born and raised catholic He always used to say that his parents and relatives said that if you could chose a day to die, it would be Sunday morning right after church since you have just went to confession and are clear of your sins, so your passageway to heaven is clear. I think it's a load of poo! When you sin, you are sinning against the God of the universe and it's something that needs to be taken very seriously. I'm not saying people should not be able or feel able to receive grace, I just don't think it should be taken for granted or taken advantage of. On page 83-84 he tells a good story about a lady he sees buying groceries at the store with food stamps and how he wants to buy her dignity and so forth, go read it. Point of the story is, he learns something about God's grace not being charity and that he should not be so proud, and be able to accept God's grace. Why should anyone forsake the riches of God's righteousness for the dung of their own ego? (page 85). "Accepting God's kindness and free love is something the devil does not want us to do. If we hear, in our inner ear, a voice saying we are failures, we are losers, we will never amount to anything, this is the voice Satan is trying to convince the bridge that the groom does not love her. This is not the voice of God. God woos us with kindness, He changes our character with the passion of His love". Another good quote at the end of this chapter that really caught my eye was this one: "In exchange for our humility and a willingness to accept the charity of God, we are given a kingdom. And a beggar's kingdom is better than a proud man's delusion". Hello everyone. I did two more chapter reviews today. I went thru chapter 8 as well but didn't find much I wanted to write about. Anyway, my car will be officially done on August 8th. I have an appointment at RPM (Ryan's Performance Machines) at 9:30. So I'm glad that will all be out of the way once that dyno-tune is taken care of. I had an interesting talk with one of my friends earlier today which was kind of interesting. I'm going to the bookstore soon so that's exciting. I am still really psyched about New York. I leave on Sunday! Wohoo! I also finished Kayla's photography webpage. I think this is the first I've written about it in my journal. But its really neat. You can check it out here, although there isn't anything on there yet, but if you are curious to see the layout, go here: www.savedalone.com/ktiddy. P.S. Everyone go eat some cool ranch Doritos and sour cream. Yum.