March 19, 2006 Well i guess this is my first entry. Today is my 20th birthday and I was baptized. It was probably one of the most exhilarating and fulfilling experiences I will ever have. I loved being able to share my testimony and I've decided to put it here in my journal entry for whoever wants to read it that might not have been there: Hi. My name is David Weischedel. Today is my 20th birthday and I couldn't be happier to be baptized today. God has taught me so much recently, that its been... truly amazing. I have been saved since I was 13 years old, but never really understood what it meant to love God, and trust God with everything until these past few weeks. I went through a lot of trials and tribulations with financial issues, and relationships, which tore me apart inside. I was putting those things like relationships, material possessions, and other things ahead of God. My actions weren't reflecting that I was a Christian, and that ended up affecting my witness to others.. I believed in God.. but he really had little to do with my life.. But I have learned the importance of clearing out the clutter in your life and trusting God with everything. God is not a luke-warm God. He wants everything in your life to have the purpose of praising his name. And I know its hard, trust me, I've learned it the hard way. But God will take it, no matter what it is. It feels so good once you put God 1st in your life; like this is what life is what life is all about and this is what true happiness is supposed to feel like. We never know when Jesus will come again. And I can only hope and pray that when that day comes, that we, as God's people, will be ready. I wanted to end by reading part of the lyrics to a song by Third Day called "Take My Life”. God has really laid it on my heart to share, and I hope it can stir your heart the way it did mine: "How many times have I turned away The number is the same as the sand on the shore But every time You've taken me back And now I pray You do it once more. Please take from me my life When I don't have the strength to give it away to You Jesus" There it is. I was surprised that I wasn't nervous reading it to so many people. I got a lot of feedback from a few people about my testimony, but others just said "it was good"or that they were proud of me. I see today as being very influential in my life. I wish I could show everyone that they can have that happiness too. So many hearts out there are treasures being hidden in the darkness. This morning, the sermon was about how a sheppard divides his sheep from the goats, and how similarly, in the end, God divides his people from those who aren't. I can only pray for those who are putting off getting their life on track, and "clearing out the clutter”. Like my testimony said, we don't know when Jesus will come again. Why are you waiting for? I've also never been a big reader until this past week when I went on a trip out west to visit an old friend from high school. I have read two and a half books in the course of one week. Its awesome! "Wild at Heart"and "Waking the Dead"by John Eldredge were the first two books I've ever read cover to cover. I will probably refer to parts in these books often in my journals, and talk about some of the lessons I've learned and things that God taught me through these books. God speaks right to your heart when you read these books, but don't take my word for it. I would highly recommend them! Well that's all for today, more to come soon! Im going to try and put song lyrics or a verse at the end of each entry. So here it goes: "Trust in the Lord and do good; so you will live in the land, and enjoy security. Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." -Psalm 37:3-5,7 March 20, 2006 Is change good or bad? I really can't decide. In the last month and a half my world has been turned upside down and shaken like the inside of a snow-globe. A lot of things in my life have changed; some for better, some for worse. For those of you that don't know, I got into a pretty serious car accident a little over a month ago and totaled my car. At first I was torn apart because this car was everything to me. But then I realized just that. My car, only a material possession, was taking up a lot of my time and my money. Today I went to get estimates and they were all in the ballpark of six-thousand to get it fixed. I still love my car and want to get it fixed, but it's no longer "my world”. A lot of my relationships have also changed. Some new ones have come, and some that were important to me have unfortunately ended. Such is life, but I still can't decide if change is good or bad. I've also learned that timing is everything. Had I not been driving down that road and that particular time, the accident wouldn't have happened. Or, had I not been so blind to things in past relationships, would they have still been around today? All I know is that God does everything and plans everything for a reason. He wanted those things to happen, or else he would have intervened. I guess that is one of the many lessons I have learned from "Waking the Dead"by John Eldredge. Also, I didn't get into the NCSU design school that I had my heart set on and it didn't bother me at first, but then the more I thought about it, I didn't really have any back up schools or plans for my life. So now I'm looking into Liberty, Campbell, Southeastern, and others as well. God also put a few good strong christians in my life right when i needed them the most. But what is also amazing about God's timing is the fact that he put a baptism service on my birthday. As soon as I gazed down at the bulletin in Sunday school and saw it, God told me it was what I needed to do. Even when I went to Arizona, God knew that I needed that break from everything and he sort of pulled me aside (all the way to Arizona) to get everything in my life figured out. So now your question is: what did you figure out? I figured out that God is in control, not me. I need to stop worrying and let God do the work. I figured out that there is something fierce burning in the heart of every man and that I needed to wake up and start living the life God intended for me. I wasn't living life to its fullest. Come to think of it, I wasn't living life at all. Yea, certain people, certain possessions or events will make you happy temporarily. But I learned that a life without Christ as its center point will never bring you true happiness. So, is change good or bad? Sometimes I think change is horrible. But, in my situation right now I'd say change is good. God had to use all of those dramatic events to get me to realize my life and my faith wasn't where it should have been. But now that I have that on track, I am able to see more clearly how the lives of some of the people I'm close with aren't where they need to be either and that is what kills me. All I can do is pray and hope that God is able to stir something in their heart(s) and that if God needs me to help, that I am there for them. Today's verse is Philippians 4:4-9. A close friend told me to dwell on this verse during a hard time a few weeks ago and it's really stuck with me. "Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, Rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is good, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy, meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." March 21, 2006 "Philosophers have interpreted the world in various ways; the point, however, is to change it." -Karl Marx. We studied and discussed this quote today in my Human Values and Meaning class. Also the quote, "You must become who you are". Pretty much we talked about if there was anything missing from the individual. Are we, as people, being less than we can be? Is society alienating us from our individuality and our own philosophical ideas? Schools, families, and other groups of institutions are having their own set of morals and ideologies that we are born into, and in some ways forced to accept as truth. Is order opposed to freedom and individualization? One student described the way he felt when he heard the word "alienation" as being held down and having a worm placed in your ear, and taking over your body, like in a movie. Is society that worm? Are we being ourselves? Do we really have integrity? Think about it. Are you living your life, or someone else"s? In a way, we are all constricted to the ways of the world and the way society today is built. How many of you do things during the day that you don"t like to do? How many of you do them more than once? Exactly! And what is life if we can"t spend it doing the things we enjoy? I think that is why some people consider this to be the "Age of Anxiety", and so many people are using Prozac, Zoloft, or some other sort of anti-depressant medication. Why do you think those companies are booming? Why is it so many people only feel like they are only "living" on the weekends when they can get drunk and kick back and watch the basketball game? Is that society's way of dealing with anxiety? It's sad but true.. In this class, we are encouraged to ask questions such as "is that it?" or "is there more?", relating to where society is going today and in the future. We"ve talked about various utopias and ideal societies and how once civilization gets to an exceptional point economically or socially, they always try to strive for higher, better, richer, etc. Is that the American dream? Is there more of a world that we are letting it be? I don"t think so. If you ask me, the world isn"t getting any better, we are merely declining. There has been a drastic decline in religious activism throughout the centuries. It used to be all that was thought of was God. Then it went to God and King, then to God, King, and country. But, what about today? We have so many different political ideologies and "isms" such as socialism, communism, anarchism, democracy, etc. Today almost everything has an "ism", especially with the boom of the internet. So, back to the question: Is there something more? Is there a "better world" that we should be striving for? No. Imperfect people cannot live in a perfect world. The very nature of man is sinful. In my opinion, over time there has only been a decline in morals and passion and the world is full of grief, hate, anguish, war, protests, bombings, murders, discrimination. Is all of that merely our response to anxiety? Read the newspaper or watch the 6:00 news and you will see what I mean when I say we are morally declining. Look at today"s heroes versus the heroes and idols of early centuries. Today"s role models are people like Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton, Paris Hilton, etc. What is the world coming to? What is the point of life? We learned a good deal about what it means to dissent in this class as well. Is that the point of life? What is missing in our lives? One student responded with, "money". This made my heart break. How can anyone be truly happy by just having enough money to stabilize yourself in society. Is there something more? Of course there is. I didn"t want to turn the whole class discussion into a religious one. But the answer to half of the questions the professor was asking were point blank obvious to me. There IS nothing more in this life. God offers you "a better world" or a "utopia" in heaven. This life is merely temporary, but that doesn"t mean it can"t be enjoyed. Life was meant to be able to be enjoyed. To love, to have fun, to learn, so on so forth. But today"s society is centered around questions like "are you pretty enough", "are you thin enough", "are your teeth white enough". Is the world trying to send us a message that we aren"t good enough the way we are? That brings me back to the original question: Are we being alienated by society? Today, the mass majority of people are ignorant and apathetic entirely to where the world is going, or where there life is going, or when there life will end. Do they ever stop to think "is this it" or "is there more"? Well I have... and I"ve come to the conclusion that in this life... no, there is nothing more, the world isn"t getting better" its taking the turn for the worst it"s ever been. However, God offers something more: Heaven. We should stop worrying about this world, and be more concerned with the condition of our hearts and where we plan to spend eternity. "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." - Matthew 6:19-21 On a less philosophical note, today was rainy and dull. I finished the website SavedAlone.com, and now this journal is probably starting to be read. I hope to update it everyday if time permits. March 23, 2006 'Above all else, guard your heart' - Proverbs 4:23 What does this REALLY mean? I think this verse has been taken by so many people as 'keep an eye on it'. But I don't really think that's what the verse is trying to convey. Your heart is the well-spring of your life, because it is a treasure. Everything in our life depends on the condition of our heart. What do we do to guard our hearts? How much time are we ACTUALLY spending on growing in God and praying and devoting time to let our heart really live? I don't think its being selfish for caring for our own hearts. After all, don't we have to care about ourselves and love our own hearts before we can love another's? Maybe that is where I've went wrong in past relationships. This is an excerpt from John Eldredge's book 'Waking the Dead': 'When it comes to the whole subject of loving others, you must know this: how you handle your own heart is how you will handle theirs. If you dismiss your heart, you will end up dismissing theirs. If you expect perfection from your heart, you will raise the same standard for them.' That really hit me. If I am not loving myself, and caring about my own heart, then how is it even possible to love someone else? I guess it all goes back to the entry I had a few days ago about timing. It reminds me of this song by Thousand Foot Krutch that my friend had in his xanga post: ''Cause everyone is falling away Feel like they're stolen from me Wish everything didn't happen to me All I want is faith, love and happiness Every time one runs away Another one's returning Wish everyone could just see Your face Faith, love and happiness' Another thing God has been showing me through 'Waking the Dead' was the importance of having a 'fellowship'. He uses the analogy of having a close group of Christian friends with the 'fellowship' in Lord of the Rings. I never really thought that much about it till I read it. We need to surround ourselves with people who fight for our hearts to be closer to God. Think about that. Sure, a lot of our friends don't hinder our relationships with God, but do they FIGHT for our heart to be drawn closer to God? That's a real close and true friend, but intimacy is key. Opening your heart and laying it all out there for another to see and help with is important. And I'm not talking about going to church once a week, or even just being in a bible study, but the people you see on an everyday basis. Are they fighting for your heart to be closer to God? Remember, this brings me back to my first point. You can't have friends that fight for your heart, unless they care about THEIR heart being close to God in the first place. We are at war. No if, ands, or but's about it. Read my last journal entry about where I think the world today is going in comparison to where it has been. What are we feeding ourselves everyday? The most popular TV shows are complete garbage, look at Southpark for example. It is completely ridiculous. Go people watching someday and listen to some of the everyday conversations going on with the people around you. These people do not have 'bad hearts'. They are simply hearts that aren't truly alive and being what they can be. Listen to our OWN language. Is that taking care of your heart? A lot of people love the verse Proverbs 4:23, but remember the verse directly after it? "Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips." (v. 24) God says in v.23 to guard our heart, and in v.24 he tells us the best way to do it. Are you guarding your heart? Listen to our language.. what is that saying about the kind of person we are or the God that we are supposed to be representing? Where are the heroes? Where is the passion in today's world? Where is God in your life today? Are you fighting for your heart and the hearts of your friends? Are you surrounding yourself and putting yourself in situations that would bring your heart closer to God? Because we are at war and we need to be ready. Our hearts need to be ready. After all, it is the well-spring of your life. It is a treasure and it DOES matter. I feel like I'm preaching, and I don't mean to. I don't even know how many people will even be reading this' none the less read this far down the page at this point. I just have it laid on my heart right now that I had to get it out onto paper (or the screen). It's what's on my mind, so its what I'm writing about! Anyway, it is hard to see how God works sometimes or what God wants for our life. Why can't I stop thinking about things or worrying about things? Does God not WANT me to move on? Maybe, or maybe not. Or maybe I just need to trust him more than I have been, and stopping asking questions altogether. This has been a long entry; I'm tired but its only 9:30. I am supposed to be making Jimmy Robbins new website for Too Sorry for Apologies. He wants it to be 'cutesy' haha, so that should be fun to design. I've started to take my first steps towards repairing my car, which is good. Although, its going to be TONS of grunt work and frustration involved since I'll be doing most of the repairs myself to save money. I had an interesting talk today with one of my friend's about racism. We actually talked about it today in my ethics class as well. I won't bore you with the whole story since this post is kind of lengthy anyways. Hope everyone is having a great week. If anyone needs a prayer... for anything or anyone, always feel free to email me. dweisch@juno.com March 25, 2006 'The spiritual life cannot be made suburban. It is always frontier, and we who live in it must accept and even rejoice that it remains untamed'. 'Howard Mercy 'The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives'. 'Albert Achweitzer 'Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight'. 'Bruce Cockburn 'Desperado, why don't you come to your senses? You been out ridin fences for so long now. O you're a hard one, but I know that you got your reasons. You better let somebody love you before it's too late'. ' The Eagles 'The deepest desire of our hearts is for union with God. God created us for union with himself: This is the original purpose for our lives'. 'Brennan Manning 'Enemy-occupied territory' that is what this world is'. 'C.S. Lewis 'Beauty is not only a terrible thing; it is also a mysterious thing. There God and the Devil strive for mastery, and the battleground is the heart of me'. 'Fyodor Dostoyevsky 'You'll be glad every night that you treated her right'. 'George Thorogood 'Cowboy, take me away' closer to heaven and closer to you'. 'Dixie Chicks 'The place where God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet'. 'Fredrick Buechner 'Freedom is useless if we don't exercise it as characters making choices' We are free to change the stories by which we live. Because we are genuine characters, and not mere puppets, we can choose our defining stories. We can do so because we actively participate in the creation of our stories. We are co-authors as well as characters. Few things are as encouraging as the realization that things can be different and that we have a role in making them so'. 'Daniel Taylor 'Obey God in the thing he shows you, and instantly the next thing is opened up. God will never reveal more truth about himself until you have obeyed what you know already'. 'Oswald Chambers 'Did you think you were immune to this? Did you think you could escape without infection? You do all you're able to resist, just to avoid the danger of rejection. Memory warns you of the past, when it all went wrong. When you think your life is shattered and there's no way to be fixed again' love heals your heart. At a time you least expected, you're alive like you have never been. Love heals your heart. Everybody has a wall to climb that was built to guard the pain that holds them captive. Every smile that they would hide behind will try to mask the hurt beneath the surface. Sometimes it's hard to understand how we're trapped inside'. 'Third Day 'The glory of God is man fully alive' 'Saint Irenaeus 'Narrow is the road that leads to life, and only a few find it' ' Jesus of Nazareth (Matthew 7:14) 'I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened'. 'The apostle Paul (Ephesians 1:18) 'Fate has chosen him. A fellowship will protect him. Evil will hunt him' 'Lord of the Rings 'She is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction. She is trying, but the canyon's ever widening in the depths of her cold heart. So she sets out on another misadventure just to find she's another two years older and she's three more steps behind. She is yearning for shelter and affection that she never found at home. She is searching for a hero to ride in, to ride in and save the day. And in walks her prince charming and he knows just what to say. Momentary lapse of reason and she gives herself away. Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see? Does anybody even know she's going down today? Under the shadow of our steeple, with all the lost and lonely people, searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me. Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see? He is running a hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction'. 'Casting Crowns 'You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself' you are more than what you have become. Remember who you are, you are my son.' 'The Lion King 'What is he doing?' 'He is beginning to believe who he really is'. 'The Matrix 'Longing is the heart's treasury'. 'Augustine I haven't had much inspiration to write much lately. So I thought I would pull a few quotes from a few of the books I have been reading or songs that have meant something to me, and put them in here. I'm trying my hardest to trust God with my life right now, its jut hard when I feel like I'm walking in the dark with no light at the end of the tunnel. I've been reading A TON of different books this last week. I've been using them to get my mind off of things. God has taught me so much. I'd never be able to write it all down in a journal entry. I hope it can be seen in my everyday life. Life is hard. I'll be the first to admit to that. All I can do is hope and pray and thank God for what he has given me and what I DO have. There are so many people out there that can't afford or aren't allowed the simplicities of everyday life that we often times take for granted. Through everything, God has even taught me a little about myself that I didn't know about. I have an intellectual side. I'm smart and that I like to read and even learn. I'm maturing. I never would have told myself this a few months ago. Maybe that's why I started this journal in the first place. Oh well, ill end this entry with my favorite songs that really stirs my heart: In Christ alone my hope is found He is my light, my strength, my song This Cornerstone, this solid ground Firm through the fiercest drought and storm What heights of love, what depths of peace When fears are stilled, when strivings cease My Comforter, my All in All Here in the love of Christ I stand In Christ alone, who took on flesh Fullness of God in helpless babe This gift of love and righteousness Scorned by the ones He came to save 'Till on that cross as Jesus died The wrath of God was satisfied For every sin on Him was laid Here in the death of Christ I live There in the ground His body lay Light of the world by darkness slain Then bursting forth in glorious Day Up from the grave He rose again And as He stands in victory Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me For I am His and He is mine Brought with the precious blood of Christ No guilt in life, no fear in death This is the power of Christ in me From life's first cry to final breath Jesus commands my destiny No power of hell, no scheme of man Can ever pluck me from His hand 'Till He returns or calls me home Here in the power of Christ I'll stand March 27, 2006 I hate math. It seems so pointless to me. I'm talking about pre-calculus. Anyways, I won't rant. I'm trying to keep these entries on a happy note. God has been teaching me so much this week. I learn something new everyday. I'm starting to read about my ninth book today. I've become sort of a bookworm recently. Hopefully I will have time to record a new song or two soon. Also, I have a court date this Friday for my accident, so that sucks. I've gotten a lot of my school plans figured out, or so it seems. Give me a few weeks and I'll probably have a better idea. A friend of mine died this week and his funeral was today. I wish I could have had a better chance to talk to him about his faith. It just reminds me of why we need to get our life figured out as soon as possible, we never know when it will be over. I was reading around online at some articles and came across this one: http://netbiblestudy.net/bulletin/new_page_67.htm My question was... why do people sin when they know its not the right thing to do? Why don't they care? That article helped me a lot, maybe it will help you understand what I'm talking about better too. Pretty much, Sin is deceiving (2 Cor. 11:14). It dresses itself up as happiness or something good or worthwhile. Truth is that sin is ugly and will only lead to more sin. The trick is turning from it and letting God reign in your life again. Remember Jesus carried your sin to the cross, so the sin is already dead. Once you get there, don't let pride get in the way... admit you are defeated and let Jesus do it. He's waiting to cleanse you and make you white as snow (Isaiah 1:18) What bothers me, is that some people KNOW how great and happy they can be in Christ, and they don't bother to change. My heart goes out to those people. I've been listening to a lot of old H20 sermons from the past year or so on the church's website. Dave Owen talks a lot about relationships and I thought I'd use this entry as a place to store some notes. Just for reference, when he says "friendship" he means "dating". Develop friendships with people of the opposite sex in healthy enviornments. Avoid crossing lines such as spiritual, emotional, and sexual intimacy (one may lead to another). Trust and Teasure Christ more than having the status of a friendship (i.e. boyfriend, girlfriend). E(i think he ran out of time and skipped E. haha). "The P's of dating" singleness = privelage dating = practical courting = purposeful marriage = P...(i think he skipped this part too) March 28, 2006 I guess you could call this another post where I complain about where the world is heading. But really, it makes me so sad. I saw this story on ogrish.com about a man who shot a girl for going in his yard too many times. I mean.. geeze. and then I see this video as well about some of the younger children Iraq running around thinking they are dying for their country holding AK47's that are maybe around the age of 4 or 5. It's ridiculous. Ok well enough of that. Here is a better link to check out: http://www.providence-sermons.com/weekday-study.php?category=H2O Here is a good song by Nickelcreek, called 'When You Come Back Down': You gotta leave me now You gotta go along You gotta chase a dream One that's all your own Before it slips away When you're flying high Take my heart along I'll be the harmony To every lonely song But you'll learn to play When you're soaring through the air I'll be your solid ground Take every chance you dare I'll still be there When you come back down Not much to say today, too much on my mind. I know that doesn't make sense considering if I have a lot on my mind' I should have a lot to write about. But I'm trying to keep these entries on the happy side, and not about certain things. So, that's all for today. I hope everyone is doing well. March 31st, 2006 I have a feeling this is going to be a long entry, but I don't know why. I have a lot of things going on, so I apologize in advance for the haphazardness that follows. Today is a beautiful day, and i don't want to waste it sitting here in front of a computer screen. I saw in a friend's profile, 'Irony is the world's biggest joke'. I couldn't agree more, and i hate that. It's ironic how things work out, or the way things are happening. Anyway, I've been seeing old friends that I haven't seen in a while lately, it's been nice. I complain often times about not having enough people close to me and that's why I can't get my mind off things, but really I just need to be better friends with the ones I do have, and spend more time with them instead of worrying about other people who don't want to see me. It all makes sense I guess. My dad dug up a part of my past a few nights ago that I thought I had moved on and forgotten about. It really just kind of made me feel worse about it in the first place, because now he doesn't trust me. Oh well. I've finished the first steps of tearing my car apart and fixing it. It should be able to go on the frame machine this weekend or early next week. That's kind of helping me have something to do too. I still am doing horrible in my math class and I wish I could just drop that stupid class altogether. This is the second time I've taken it and I am still doing horrible even after getting some tutoring. My other classes are going fine. My ethics class I had my presentation on Malcolm X. He was a rather interesting person who was able to stand up for what he believed in. I respect that about people. My bowling class (yes I know I have a hopeless nerd) is going well, but I bowled my lowest game of the year (118) haha. Oh well. I've been reading and reading and reading more and more and more lately. It's kind of scary. As long as I don't start drinking coffee. I think that would be the final straw that would make me consider myself to be a bookworm. It has helped me in a lot of ways though. I've learned so much about myself just from reading, and so much more about life, and God... and everything really. I had a trip planned to go to Savannah this summer, but I don't think it will be happening. I really wanted to go and the tickets are still on hold, so you never know' but I'm not holding my breath. I still really want to go travel somewhere though. I think it would be so cool to just go out of the country' Rome especially for some reason. Who knows maybe I'll end up taking a trip somewhere anyway. I was supposed to go with my friend to see 'Inside Man' but we didn't. I still want to go see it. It looks intriguing. Last week at bible study, someone said how they saw a shirt in Target that looked about the size for a 4 year old girl that said, 'Nobody's perfect but me'. WHY on earth would you ever want your kid to think the whole earth revolves around them? Oh well. Everyone go listen to Anathallo, they're an incredibly talented band. I can't help but feel like I never got a chance to show or prove things in my past. It's kind of like I got robbed of the chance, but it might be my own fault in the first place. Understanding is so hard to attain these days. Maybe one day I'll get that chance. I know for now it's gone' and I've moved on in the sense that I'm not worrying constantly, but as for what I'm actually doing.. I hate to call it 'waiting'' but I can't deny what my heart is telling me to do. Things could be much worse. I have to take a step back and look at it. It's not in my hands. Anyways, in my bible study we are learning about the fear of man and the fear of the Lord, peer pressure, codependency, and things of that nature. I've learned a lot actually. Maybe in my next journal I'll write more about what God has taught me. The verse that keeps sticking out to me is: 'The fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the holy one is understanding'. -Proverbs 9:10 I've written so many songs and they all have different meanings. But do the people they are ever written for or about actually listen to the song and get anything out of them? This song is called 'The Moment That Changed Everything' that I wrote about two months ago... and the lyrics, even if they are short, actually pretty accurately depict how I feel. 'You want me to be what I've been all along. I want you to be right here in my arms. Take it slow, it hasn't been that long. I'll show you the world, won't do you wrong. You're gone for now, gone for now. When will you fall into my arms? oh oh oh. You're falling down, and I'm here to catch you'.