May 3rd, 2006 I haven't written much lately. I guess I have just been busy with the end of school and working on my car and work and everything else. I really hope I passed my math test. I had a 70ish in the class, and I needed to get a 51.79 on the exam in order to get a C in the class. When I added up the points at the end of the exam, my estimated score was a 54. I might be getting in by the skin of my teeth. I will find out Monday. I am still waiting to hear back from Campbell as well about school. Collegeboard takes forever to send out SAT scores. My older brother is graduating college on the 13th this month and is trying to look for a job and he will be living here for the summer so I guess that's pretty cool. I can' wait for the summer and it's finally almost here. I don't really know why I'm excited because I'm not doing anything special. You guys should go listen to the band called Lovedrug. They're great. Thanks for telling me about them (you know who you are). In case you forgot, this Sunday is mother's day so do something nice! I still don't have anything planned, probably just taking my family to eat at the restaurant that I work at. Well that's all for today. Nothing deep and sophisticated because well… school is over! May 9th, 2006 This month has been pretty slow with journal entries. I'm still in the progress of fixing my car so it's taking the majority of my time. Here is a picture of the progress stages if you guys are curious: (link removed) Obviously, the newer the date, the more progress I've had. All I really need to do now is get all the pieces painted and put them back on and align the hood (which is fitting horribly as you can tell from the picture, it doesn't even shut). Anyway. I am going on a "missions" trip this month from the 16th to the 21st. I will be going down south to Mississippi to help out with the rebuilding because of Hurricane Katrina. It should be very humbling and rewarding. I am going down with my dad and a bunch of other people from my church. I don't know much about what I will be doing during the time town there or where I will stay. I'm hoping God does some real work in the people's lives there. I passed my pre-calc class by the skin of my teeth. I got a 58 on the exam, to leave me with a 73 in the class. So that is always exciting. School is officially over. No more classes, exams, grades, nothing. I am still waiting to hear from Campbell University about whether I got in or not. If that fails I'm not really sure where I will be in the fall. I have considered maybe joining the ROTC or something. But it's all in God's hands. Wherever he wants me to go, that's where I will be. I haven't had much time to read the rest of Captivating, but I should get back to it. I was learning a lot. I cut myself the other day. It wasn't even something having to do with my car or my work. I was coring an apple and made a nice 4 inch cut along my wrist (I'm not suicidal, no worries). So I can't work too hard on my car right now since I can't even twist or bend my wrist without it bleeding. It is exciting to finally see my car back up and running and almost be drivable again. I can't wait! I'm glad the summer is here. i even had the chance to go to a senior prom again with a friend from work. It was a lot of fun! Anyway, that's all for now. May 12th, 2006 I got into Campbell! So I will be going there in for the fall semester. I'm not very excited as I thought I would be but oh well. Everything with my car is almost finished. I am actually very excited about the mini missions trip that I will be taking down to Lousiana to help out with the Hurricane Katrina disaster relief with my church. It's about 10-12 guys and I think two guys that are heading down there to gut out and rebuild some homes that have been destroyed. I will be gone from this Tuesday morning at 4 AM till the following Sunday at 7 AM, so a lot of driving through the night. So that means no posts inbetween those two days, but I'm sure I will have plenty of pictures and stories to share with you guys when I return. Now, time for the weekend! May 15th, 2006 Even though mother's day was yesterday… happy mother's day! I don't know if any mothers actually read this.. but oh well. Here are some short points from the sermon on Sunday morning about mothers day: 1. Motherhood should display God-centeredness not mom-centeredness nor child-centeredness. (I Corinthians 10:31) Proverbs 31:25-30 (The mother who wants to live a God-centered life) 2. Motherhood should be defended by Believers. 3. Motherhood should be defined by the Bible and not the culture. (Titus 2:3-5) Anyways, I leave tomorrow! I can't wait; it's going to be so much fun even though I will miss things here back in Raleigh, even though I'm not going to be gone very long. My purevolume.com pro-account ran out. This means I will be going from having around 30-35 songs down to only 4. I think it just took the top 4. So oh well. If anyone actually wants any of my other songs I will gladly send them to you through AIM for free. I just want to make music, not money! I am excited about this summer but I don't know why. Anyways, this will be my last post before my trip. Hope everyone is doing well. Chris Tomlin - Not to Us The cross before me the world behind No turning back, raise the banner high It's not for me, it's all for You Let the heavens shake and split the sky Let the people clap their hands and cry It's not for us, it's all for You Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory Not to us, but to Your Name be the glory Our hearts unfold before Your throne The only place for those who know It's not for us, It's all for You Send Your holy fire on this offering Let our worship burn for the world to see It's not for us, it's all for You The earth is shaking, the mountains shouting, It's all for You The waves are crashing, the sun is raging, It's all for You The universe spinning and singing, It's all for You The children dancing, dancing, dancing, It's all for You, it's all for You May 16th, 2006 The first day began at 3:45 AM when I woke up and dead out the door to meet the other 9 people in our group going down to good ol Mississippi. We all piled into a 15 passenger van, said a short prayer, and took off. Parting words from a person I like to call "timon" were: "this is your home for the next 14 hours" (meaning the van). I tried to sleep but got sore every 15 minutes from the awkward positions so I eventually gave up and just stared out the window. We just stopped for breakfast in Gaffney, SC at McDonalds. It's 8 AM now, 10 hours-ish to go! Now its 10 AM, another pit-stop for gas (a little cheaper here, but a lot bigger tank to fill!). I'm used to these long car rides, but normally I'm headed north to NY and not the south. We passed Easley, where I once lived years ago, as well as the exit where one of my best friends lives in GA. 8:45 PM. Well day 1 is coming to a close. We arrived, checked in at the National Guard Armory, and set off to go see the house that we will be working vigorously on for the next 4 days. It was a rather poor neighborhood with a "not so good" reputation. The lady (can't remember her name) however was very nice. Outside, the house looked fairly nice and intact. But as soon as you opened the front door, the damage was unbelievable. The house had already been gutted out and all the old insulation and mold torn and ripped and pulled and carried out. All we have now is a shell to work with. We also went and visited First Baptist Church in Gulf Port, right by the ocean. It was totally devastating and everything on the first floor or two was completely gone. It was a sad sight to see. The ocean, you could see over 100 feet out where there was STILL debris like trees and limbs and slabs of buildings. Keep in mind; this is all 8 months after the hurricane came through. It's just as bad, if not worse, than what you see on television. May 17th, 2006 7 PM. Today we got an early start and woke up around 6:30 to have breakfast and head out by 7 AM! We got to the house which was totally unorganized and a wreck. We shuffled a few things around unhooked the trailer, unpacked the tools and went to work. 2-3 people hung drywall, a few people were mudding, and me and my dad were putting in new "pink panther" insulation. We had tons of it and its amazing how much R-30 and R-13 they can pack or roll into a small little bundle. After hours of cutting, ripping, nailing, spackling, tearing, screwing, stretching and WORKING, we took a nice little lunch break back at the armory and went back to work. After all the insulation was done my arms itched horribly from all the small glass particles irritating the layers of my skin. We cleaned and dusted and organized the tools and clutter before Mrs. Kennedy (that was her name) came to look it over. She was thrilled to see so much progress being done to the house and was eager to see what the next day would bring. We left the house around 6, went back to the Armory once again for dinner and now I am writing to you in the backseat of the van again. We are arriving at Pass Road Baptist for their Wednesday night service. Well, that was interesting to say the least. But I guess that's what we get for going to a southern Baptist church we know nothing about that's right in the deep south of Mississippi. It was exactly NOT what I expected to see or hear. I expected the stereotypical old classical southern Baptist traditions with hymnals and organs and hallelujahs, etc. However, it was far from it. This was the most self-centered and man-centered modern theology I've ever heard come from a church that claims to be Baptist. I would go into more detail but it would only become a rant. You can ask me if you're really interested though. Anyway, I've never seen anything like it before in my life. Time for bed. Goodnight. May 18th, 2006 Well today started the same as yesterday. Early up, early out, and lots of work. All I did today was "mudding" and spackling screw holes and taping and scraping, etc. I had white sploches of junk all over me when the day was done. I can't remember if I said this in a previous entry or not, but we found out we will be at this same house all 4 days instead of two. We got all the doors delivered and sheetrock out of the way so its really just a lot of finishing work that we have left to do as well as trim for the next two days. I guess this is the half-way point! I'm glad to be here but I miss Raleigh and the people back home, even work. I also am anxious to see how much progress has been made with the painting of my car. Oh well. Two days to go! Notes from the bible study that night: - We are doing God's work and mission work. What we are doing here should not be considered or confused with a job. - II Corinthians 6: "Mark of the Ministry" - We are ministers of God. We are here because we are called. - God gives us diversity but also unity through Christ. - Are we being "pure"? Who are we in Christ? May 19th, 2006 Today was like yesterday again. All the work was mudding and sanding, nothing too exciting. We skipped dinner at the Armory and went to the Pasta Italia, this nice little but busy restaurant about a block or two away. I had Cannelloni and Chocolate Mouse, yum! Then we went for a walk on the gulf coast to see more of the damage caused by the hurricane. It was so horrible to see. Poles ripped in half, sand everywhere, houses flattened to the ground, three levels of a casino taken out, cars still overturned, a barge pushed onto shore, and surprisingly enough a big old shrimp boat about a quarter mile from the shore. A whole bunch of boats actually were washed up. It is amazing how so much wind and water can move such massive structures and objects. And its still hard to believe how this is NINE months after Katrina. Tomorrow is the last day of work and I'm glad and disappointed at the same time. I'm happy to go back to home but sad that I have to leave so much work un-done. I hope I can come back sometime to help out again although honestly I doubt that I will. Sad day. I'm growing to love Gulf Port even though I've only been here a short time. It has truly been a humbling experience. May 20th, 2006 The end is near! I'm so exhausted. I'll be glad to be home in my own bed far away from the smell of drywall dust. I'm hoping none of the drivers fall asleep on the way home because that would just not be good. It's 3:00 PM now, we should leave within the half-hour. That should put me home around 5 AM back in Raleigh. I'm debating on whether or not to go to church Sunday morning when we get back, but I probably won't. I'll just stay home and get some well needed rest. Keep checking back for an update so you can see pictures from the trip! This is the first real start of my summer. May 25th, 2006 I've ran into the same problem twice in the same day I don't know how it happens. But some people I guess don't think, and they don't learn from their mistakes, or the mistakes of others. And, if you KNOW better then DO something about it instead of pushing it away to worry about later down the road. It will only end up kicking you in the pants harder the longer you wait to do something about it. Oh well, I guess some people (myself included) will just have to learn the hard way when they don't think or don't take advice. Anyway. Here are a few scattered notes and verses from the last chapters of Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge that I have learned from: -Jeremiah 31:3, 29:13, Song of Songs 1:6,15, 4:9, 18:14, Hosanna 2:14, 19, Matthew 22:37, 25:1-10, John 3:29, 14:21, Zephaniah 3:17 , Isaiah 30:15, Psalm 84:6, 34:5, Ruth 1:16, Proverbs 22:6, II Thessalonians 3:13, I Peter 5:8-9, I Thessalonians 5:17, 23, James 4:7, Ephesians 1:22, Exodus 15:3, Luke 1:38. "Romance is the deepest thing in life. It is deeper even than reality" – G.K. Chesterton "We long for romance. We are wired for it" – page 113 "The root of all holiness is romance" – page 113 "God delights in revealing himself to those who seek him with all of their hearts" – page 117 "God wants to live this life together with you, to share in your days and decisions, your desires and disappointments. He wants intimacy with you in the midst of the madness and mundane, the meetings and the memos, the laundry and lists, the carpools and conversations and projects and pain. He wants to pour his love into your heart and he longs to have you pour yours into his. He wants your deep heart, that center place within that is the truest you. He is not interested in intimacy with the person that you think you are supposed to be. He wants intimacy with the real you" – page 121 "Our hearts are made to worship (it is the heart's devotion, and Jesus is the only one worthy of it)" – page 123 "To pursue intimacy with Christ you will have to fight for it" – page 125 "The essence of a man is strength and the essence of a woman is beauty" – chapter 8 "Beauty is the most essential, yet most misunderstood of all feminine qualities" – page 132 "Beauty overwhelms us, enchants us, fascinates us, and calls us" – Fr. Andrew Gr. Greely I Peter 3:6: "Do not give way to fear" "Unveiling of beauty is the greatest expression of love and hope. Do not hide it." – page 147 "True femininity calls forth true masculinity" – page 149 Men tend to look to Eve with their questions instead of to God. They feel as if they need validation as a man, and often tend to fall into sexual sin such as premarital sex or pornography as a result. A woman can be a companion and inspiration for a man, but never the validation of his soul. Women tend to fall into one of three categories: Dominating, Desolate, or Arousing. "If you want to be loved, be loveable" – Ovid "Do not throw your pearls to the pigs" – Matthew 7:6 "To love at all is venerable.." – C.S. Lewis "Christianity is not a passive religion" – page 196 "God allows spiritual warfare and uses it in our lives for our good" – page 196 "If you are called, God will make a way" – page 211 "You have only one life to live. It would be best to live your own" – page 216 Most of these are just random quotes from the book, but some are just notes or ideas that I jotted down real fast. Anyway, it was a good book and a good read. I would recommend this book to almost anyone especially anyone interested in this particular subject. Check out the author's website at www.ransomedheart.com